Episode 1 - Random Bite - The Critter

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Lovers of horror, fans of mystery, welcome to JB's radio show, the one and only place for original fiction written and narrated by JB Cross himself and guest authors. For the amusement of all you creepy crawlies out there, we've got a great tale pulled out of the trunk for you as we lead up to the release of our first special event. But first, a word from today's sponsor. Your natural musk is beautiful and don't let anyone else ever tell you any different. But did you know that humans can pick it up from over 300ft away? As the dominant prey species, humans have a keen sense of smell built up over a millennia of evolution. That's why we developed Scent Destroyer, the Witch Doctor approved scent blocking powder that will improve your ambush percentage by at least half or your money back. Don't let the humans get a whiff of your presence before you're ready to strike. Slap on Scent Destroyer and eat like a king after an evil easy hunt. Available now at your local backroom store. And now, our feature presentation, the Critter. [00:01:07] Speaker B: No matter. When I submit a story for critique, Walter is there to give me feedback. He also strikes up a several hour long instant messenger conversation. Every story must have a deeper meaning, my darling, his latest message read. One that the author sets out to convey to the desperate masses. I don't know, I typed back. My old professor used to say that sometimes a story is just a story. That you can have a theme without a deeper meaning. We can each theoretically derive a lesson from that theme or a character's arc. But that doesn't mean the author set out to specifically teach us something. Yes, well, your professor sounds like a hack. Surely you don't want to be so simple minded, walter replied. Pish posh, my darling. Seek the profound in all things or you may as well go mow the grass. Mowing the grass might be more productive than this, I thought, leaning back in my seat and rubbing my eyes. The screen was making them burn. I blinked away the blur and typed something to ponder. Thanks for the input, Walter. As usual, he ignored the natural conclusion of the conversation and replied, certainly, my darling. When you have the time, take a look at my work posted to the link below. You'll note the profound meaning behind each piece. I encourage you to seek out those I stopped reading because the paragraph was a 500 word sales pitch I'd read a dozen times before. I assume it was a copy and paste job because Walter ended every conversation with it and it was always the same. Even the energy pill I took after Dinner couldn't give me the energy for that. At the end of a long paragraph was a link to Walter's website where I could subscribe to read his work. He charged members $30 per year for access to his profound, pronounced pretentious messages. I suppose when you're that great of a writer, you can charge what you like. I glanced at the clock and informed me that the time was two in the morning, yet another debate with Walter that stretched into the wee hours of the morning. I got up and trudged across my studio to fall into bed. Sleep followed. Are you listening, Jessica? Charles asked. I snapped my attention from the Dozy Doodles I made in my notebook. Yes, Sorry. I was just thinking it over. What did I say? Charlie asked. Everyone at the table except the two of us smirked. Um, well, tech anxiety is free of major side we moved on from anxiety pills five minutes ago, Charlie snapped. How are you going to sell astrotecha products when you don't know the finer points? I didn't have a response to that. Charlie scoffed at my silence. Pay attention. We're on page 90 in the booklet Dementia and Alzheimer's Injectables. He turned back to his presentation where charts and numbers told the story about clinical trials. My eyelids immediately drooped. Late night? Helen whispered in my ear. I nodded and whispered back. They dragging you and science nerds into sales meetings now? No, I'm giving the rundown on the new MAOA inhibitor. You look a little worse for wear, by the way. Is it those pills I gave you? She asked. I shook my head and lied. I only took them in the morning for a boost. I've just had some late writing nights recently and really been flowing Charlie's bun and fixed me with a glare. My mouth snapped shut, but Helen sprang into action. She patted me on the shoulder. I asked her to clarify the purpose of the Charlie rolled his eyes. If it was anyone other than Helen, he would have called them on the obvious lie. But Charlie was smart enough not to argue with his wife in front of others. He nodded and turned back to his chart. We stayed quiet for the rest of the meeting and I battled my sleepiness. I did win, but at a great cost. I felt more tired than ever as we filed from the conference room. Helen followed me back to my cubicle. Once there, I pulled out my bottle of Booster Pro Astroteca's soon to be released energy pill and swallowed one dry. You forgot to take it this morning and it made you this tired? Helen asked. She snatched the bottle away and frowned. No, I took it Sometimes it just takes two. Helen's eyes went wide. Oh my God, Jess, you shouldn't be doing that. It's fine, drama queen. It's only every now and then, I replied. No. It's bad enough that you take it every day, but you're upping the dose. You said it was FDA approved. I said soon to be. They haven't. Helen broke off and glanced at the cubicle door. She stepped closer and spoke in a quieter raspberry. They haven't concluded long term studies yet. I wasn't even supposed to give this to you. And you're almost out, huh? I said, smirking and eyeing the bottle. I felt more awake already. Maybe you should bring more when you come by tonight. I stepped closer. She didn't step back, but she chewed her bottom lip. Is that what I am? Your dealer? I caressed her hand that held the bottle. You know you're more than that. Come by for dinner. I don't know, Jess. Charlie, just tell him you need a girls night, I said. She tensed as my other hand pushed a strand of hair over her shoulder and continued to the small of her back. He'd never cared before. Helen glanced at the door as I pulled her against me. I promise I'll only take one from now on. Her breath quickened as she leaned into me. I smelled her strawberry shampoo as I whispered in her ear. You can stay and watch me take it in the morning if you want. I can't stay. All she didn't have the breath to finish. The flush on her neck climbed up to her cheeks. She jerked and backed away as someone walked by the cubicle door. She cleared her throat and said, I'll meet you at 8. She didn't meet my eyes as she left. I made it back to my apartment by 4 that afternoon. I put on a pot of coffee and popped another booster pro for good measure. There were only three left, so I figured it was a good thing Helen was coming by later. I checked the fridge and revealed there wasn't much to cook for dinner, just a couple bottles of Montepulciano and a box of red Sangria. So I decided we'd order out. Pizza and wine were quickly becoming a staple of our girls night. That worked for us, though. I love pizza and big brain, Helen never relaxed until she was at least a little tipsy. I took a quick shower and settled down to kill the time in front of my laptop. To my surprise, not a message from Walter waited. It read something to help you find your own truth. Below the message was a link not to his website. This time I clicked it fully expecting to find a different subscription service hawking Walter's work. Instead, my computer screen turned to worlds of bright colors. Different shapes floated lazily across the view. Flashes of light accented the movements. A soft knock sounded, and I blinked and looked at the door. I frowned and made my way over. No one was there. I looked up and down the hallway. There wasn't a sign of anyone. I closed the door and went back to my laptop. The screen was black, the computer dead. I plugged it in and tried to boot it up. It stayed dead. Well, that's just great, I said. I slammed the laptop lid down. That's when I felt it. There was something on me, clinging to my shoulders. I turned my head slowly to find the smiling face of a monkey. Hello, it whispered. I swallowed. Hi. Computer's broke, huh? It asked. I nodded. Maybe you're too tired to think the problem over. Try taking another. He nodded toward the bottle of Booster Pro next to my laptop. It was weird talking to a magic monkey that came out of nowhere. But he was right. I was tired. It might help. I took one, swallowing it down with a swig of wine. I opened the laptop. And it worked. It was already on. The colors and shapes still swirled and danced across the screen. The moving pattern almost made me sick, so I closed the Internet. I looked at the monkey. Thanks. Call me Johnny. Cool, I said. I turned back to my computer and opened the instant message. To Walter. I typed. Why did you send me that? Isn't it obvious? Johnny asked. He wants to hypnotize you. What? How would that hypnotize me? Swirling colors, Flashing lights? It's what it seems like to me, johnny insisted. That's just hokum, I replied. It's not. What time is it then? Johnny asked. I frowned and looked at the clock on my laptop. Right as I saw that it was 8 o'clock, there was a soft knock on the door. I jerked and looked at Johnny, but It was just 4:45. Time flies when you're hypnotized, johnny said. The knock on the door came again. Why would Walter do that to me? To find your truth and give you meaning. Johnny's smile widened as he leaned in closer. To my ear, he whispered, but that's not what's important. What matters is that Helen is here to kill you. The knock came a third time, harder. I stared at Johnny for a moment. Then I crossed to the door and pulled it open. Helen stood outside every day, beautiful in jeans and a T shirt, glancing up and down the hallway. She was always nervous when she came to see me. She smiled when she met my eyes. Then the expression soared. What's wrong? I shook my head and ushered her in. Jess, you don't look I'm fine. Just got a weird message on the Internet, I said. Lots of weirders out there, Helen said. She still frowned at me. She's here to kill you, Johnny whispered. No way. I said. No, but you just. Helen started to say. I wasn't talking to you, I said. I motioned toward Johnny. Helen glanced at my shoulder. Jess, are you sure you're alright? Why do you keep asking me that? I asked. She's come to kill you, Johnny whispered. I'm fine. It's fine. She's fine insisted. You don't look fine, helen said, stepping closer to me. Your pupils are dilated, your skin is clammy and you are way too pale. Did you take more? Ask her if she brought them, Johnny whispered. Oh, did you bring the Brewster Pro? I asked. Helen chewed her bottom lip. Jess, I. She took a deep breath and I knew she hadn't. My belly exploded and writhing snakes in panic. Keep it together and play it cool. Just. Johnny whispered. She's here to kill you. But she doesn't know that you know. I forced a smile. It's alright. I get it. Helen looked unsure. You do? Yeah, I said. I wrapped her in a hug. She felt tense for a moment, then relaxed into me. After a moment, she pulled away and resumed munching on her lower lip. I play it cool, Johnny whispered. Until we can make our move. Why don't we order pizza? And that's what I'm trying to say, Helen said. I realized she had still been talking when Johnny whispered and I'd missed something. I can't stay. I just wanted to tell you in person. You can't stay? I asked. She's leaving you here to die alone, Johnny whispered. She knows you're going to die without the pills and she's too chicken to watch. Helen gnawed on her lip until I thought I saw blood. Charlie knows Jesse. He saw that text message you sent me earlier. I sent you a text message earlier? I asked. Helen stared at me. Three hours ago. You don't. Don't let her distract you, johnny rasped. Kiss her. I hesitated. Jess. Helen stepped closer. Her hand went to my arm. Are you. I put my lips on hers. She resisted for only a moment. Then she kissed me back. My hands went to her face. Her skin was soft. Her mouth felt warm against mine as it opened from my tongue. You have to do it before she does it to you, johnny whispered. Do it now while you can. Helen's hand slipped up my arm to the back of my head. Her other hand wrapped around me. We spun and I put her against the door. I pressed harder into our last kiss. Do it, johnny rasped. Do it now. My hands trailed down to Helen's jawline, then the elegant line of her neck. She tried to pull back. I pressed harder into her as my hand closed on her throat. She struggled, but Helen was small, even for a lap rat. I wasn't much bigger, but I was regular in the gym. I lifted my lips from hers. Helen's face turned red as she flailed. Her breath turned into rasping gas and her eyes bulged. She looked strangely beautiful. Watch her nails, johnny whispered. He warned me just in time to dodge her grasping fingers. Her palm found my face, trying to push me away. Use your teeth, johnny suggested. I did. I bit down on her palm and her gasp turned into a growling shriek. I tasted blood in my mouth. Helen grew weaker and weaker and fought me less and less. When she finally went still, I slid her down to the floor next to the puddle of blood from her palm. It was hard work. My chest heaved from the effort of choking her. She's still tense, johnny whispered. But the wine always soothes her. He was right. Helen started breathing almost as soon as I let her fall to the floor. I walked to the kitchen counter and returned with a bottle of Montepulciano. I kissed her forehead, then let the bottle kiss her three more times. Helen didn't breathe anymore. Maybe she lied. The pills might be in her pocket, Johnny suggested. I looked, but all I found were her car and house keys. At our house. Then Johnny said, that's good. We can talk to Charlie, too. I nodded. I wiped at my wet chin. Helen's blood smeared on my palm. I stood over her and cried for a few minutes. I know it's sad, but she was going to kill us, johnny reminded me. I wiped my chin, then at my eyes. You'll feel better when you get the pills, johnny said. I nodded, slid Helen's body away from the door and left. Walter sat before his computer. The website creator application still opened to the hypnotic screen, but the newspaper in his hand held his attention. The headline read, astrotecha Sales Associate Sentence in Double Homicide Larceny Case. Walter smiled. I guess we found your truth, Jessica. Maybe you can find some meaning. He folded the newspaper and minimized the website builder. He opened the story critique site and chose the first story in the queue. The author's name was Jerry Hinkle. Let's see if you deserve to tell your story, Mr. Hinkle, Walter said. What is your truth? [00:15:57] Speaker A: Well, wasn't that fun? So sad. It's over. Never to fear, friends. We've got another episode coming next week. Next time we'll see just how scary a delectable confection is to a man on a diet. Yum. In the meantime, check out our website, jbcrossauthor.com to find JB's work in print and more episodes of the podcast. Make sure you also keep up with us on X, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and TikTok so you know when our special events and new episodes are coming. In fact, drop us a line while you're there. Give us a spooky or a fun idea. We'll spin it into a nice yarn just for you. Until then, remember, friends, don't be too loud at night. Always lock your doors and never stare at the moon. JB's radio show is produced and copyrighted by the Coterie of North America. All rights reserved.